The Blair Rich Project

25 November 2016 | Pic PR

Sound the sirens. Bolt your doors and hideout in your homes. And for god’s sake, parents lock up your sons and daughters before he sends them to die in his illegal wars. Because Tony Blair is back.

Yes, the most loathed politician in British history is making a return, fresh from his spell advising dictators and autocrats in the Middle East for fistfuls of cash.

He has moved his operations back to London and is said to be seeking new political headquarters in the heart of Westminster.

So, if you thought The Chilcot Inquiry was the final nail in the fever-dream nightmare that was the third act of Blair’s political career, well I’m afraid you were wrong. We were all so very, very wrong. Tony has returned, delivering us, his downtrodden public, a fourth act. Whether we want it or not (and nobody does, I assure you of that!)

Blair may be delusional, but years out of the game seem not to have dimmed his sense of opportunity.

He’s riding in to save us from ourselves and our vertiginous slide into chaos. Britain’s riddled with disease, and Tony’s the vaccine.

That disease, of course, is Brexit. The most divisive issue in British politics will be the steed upon which Tony mounts his comeback. It’s worth repeating, but you just have to admire this man’s opportunism.

He can stop it don’t you know.

You just have to forgive him his misadventures in Iraq. Forget him and George Bush parading around the Middle East like a UN production of Dumb and Dumber meets The Expendables – armed to the teeth, cracking jokes while turning the sand claret and the sky black.

Why wouldn’t you believe a man whose relationship with the truth is…. well, that he doesn’t have one. 

If Tony’s back, I’m off. What else is there to say? As bad as things are, they can’t be this bad. Nothing can be this bad.

I’ll finish by quoting the man himself: “there’s a massive hole in British politics”. Well if there is, we’re screwed, because you can bet all of Tony’s blood money he’s gonna f***1 it!

1Fill it. Definitely fill it.